Ok, so seeing as how the past 3 months, especially the past week, and specifically the past 2 days have literally involved entire days of me just sitting on the couch on the laptop, barely getting up, barely noticing what is going on around me, not noticing that it's getting dark out, etc. while I am obsessively reading about GFGF, autism, vaccines, mercury, selenium, zinc, maca, recovery stories, chelation, amalgam, etc. I knew I just needed to make a decision and be comfortable with it. (Hubby gets home at 1am leaving me plenty of time to obsess alone while my poor dog mopes around the house, ignored) Hubby has been amazing but there is only so much he can say or do.. he hates to see me like this and just wants to make a decision and not look back. I know he is right. I can't stress out like this. I needed to step back from all of the information overload and just think practically. Waiting 18 months after amalgam removal would put us at Christmas 2011 before we can even start trying. Considering it would probably take at least 3 months to TTC our baby would be born around Christmas 2012. And that's pretty optimistic. So almost 3 years from now - plus I have to say that I slightly believe that something in the world will at the very least be drastically altered in 2012 and I want to at least have experienced being a mother by then..
Anyway so basically I needed to step back from the information and think "OK could I wait 3 years to be a mother" and the answer is NO so the next question is "What are you still obsessing about then..?" and the short answer is basically finding a way around the 18 month wait. For example looking up sealant to go over the amalgam, considering extraction, considering only replacing 3 fillings and leaving 1 (supposedly then the body won't start the detox process) but none of these seem to be turning up anything. I guess I am just still uneasy with the thought of TTC until I know I have done everything I can do in the circumstances. Once I have definitively exhausted these last 3 questions I think we will finally be ready to TTC and I can be at (semi) peace with my decision no matter what happens..
I read alot of autism recovery stories today and saw alot of amazing kids on YouTube who are being recovered and I am also more at peace with the idea that it's not all bad. Either way we would love our baby and try to heal them. Either way we are not doing vaccinations so they have a pretty great chance. Either way we would never give up and we would only use it as a positive thing to help others. Some of the things we have gone through in the past (immigration mostly) were NOT easy but I like to think that we are stronger because of it and also have helped dozens of other people. Everything happens for a reason. I want to be a mom and I pray that my baby will be OK without the vaccinations but even if he or she is not I will not stop. I am *NOT* the type to take anything lying down. If this does happen I will make sure that there is some positive change in the world and in the lives of others because of it. Not that I wouldn't advocate for it either way but it's different when you live & breathe it each day vs. knowing and understanding and supporting but not focusing 100% of your energy into it. I guess I am just writing all of this to try and convince others (and myself) that I am not entirely selfish.. my baby still has a great chance of being OK.. and being a bit Aspergers myself I don't think I could call the whole thing negative. Would I have accomplished all of the things I have if I wasn't this way..? Or alternatively if I had never gotten any childhood vaccinations myself or any amalgams would I be even *more* successful and intelligent and balanced..? Is Aspergers the affect of the mercury or is autism what happens when someone with Aspergers or Asperger tendencies gets too much mercury..?
OK I am definitely rambling now..
*NEW PLAN*
- TTC now, continue using selenium, zinc, maca & prenatals throughout pregnancy- Natural birth, no drugs, no vaccinations, no rhogam shots, etc.
- Around 6 months of age see how baby is doing and how I am feeling
- Sometime between 6-12 months stop breastfeeding and get amalgams removed - feed frozen expressed breastmilk instead (can freeze for up to 1 year) if baby needs any more breastmilk after that use milk banks
- See how I am feeling post-removal. If baby or myself shows any negative signs - chelate
- Wait 18 months after amalgam removal before TTC #2. So baby #1 would be between 2 and 2.5 years old when we would start TTC. And I would be mercury-free.
